Thank you for always making me

why do this face always smile whenever i think of her? maybe im insane or whatever? cause i just find my self like crazy when i smile without reasons. GAGS! you know living on the same roof with you for three days were just the moment that i cant ever forget. The way you treat me right, the way you hold my hands tight, the way you make me fall to sleep. its just something that i always adored. To me, all those beautiful memories still lingered with the smell of your perfume in my body. i wondered to my self, how come did her make me smile without reasons? how come i laughed without even her telling me jokes? its just so funny. but the most touching part is that, how come youre so willing to come to my place when you know that youre really tired and willing to do all those stuffs just for me? i was so pleased by that, really im just so touched by you. thank you for always wanting to do things that can make me smile. youre my speaciality. i really appreciates your sinceres for doing that stuffs, thank you so much.. i still remembered the first time you said " me sayang kan you " thats was just the moment that i cant ever forget, like Gosh! i was so speechless until i forget what i wanna say to you. like it was a moment that ive been waiting so long until you said that words to me and even in a sweet way. seriously, you did make me melt. awwhh hehe! the next beautiful moment that i cant forget is that when i had one day with you, bring you to all of my favourite place to go and its just so fun that time. we laughed so much and yeahh.. how i wished to stop the time so i can be with you until dawn or whatever.. i felt more secure now, and i felt more belonged to you. even though you still didnt trust me that much. but yeah... i will always remembered you and the times we had together. and i already missing you now. :) Thank you for always making me smile, Thank you for always care for me, Thank you for always smiling whenever youre with me, but the most important thing now is Thank you for making me speacial. :)

my poems II

maybe im just so stupid for being this way.

i was so stupid for believing that your feelings to me is real, when the real fact is youre not.

im just so upset when you said to me im a liar,
when the truth is that i lied,
just because of i dont want you to get hurt.
im not lying i just dont want to let you know.

if i tell you that im hurt,
will you still treat me like you used to before?

everytime i want to go far away from your sight,
my heart hurts slowly.

im strong and you should know that,
dont worry about me.
just go with you own life,
and leave me behind alone.

im having broken heart now,
but yet no one knows that.

if you think your a good person,
then please treat me like a good one too?

what do you expect from me?

i need to slow down,
so that i can regenerate my self from getting hurt more and more.

i thought that smilling would heal and washed away all my pains,
i thought that pretending would made people think im just a happy-go-lucky type.
i thought that laughing would made me forget my misery,
but all i can feel is its kept on growing more faster a i kept on doing that,
and its hurts so bad.

it doesnt matter if i have to be this way all the time,
but couldnt you at least appreciates me someday?

im having a sympthoms of a broken hearted girl.

if i tell people what i've been stressing up with,
theyre just going to answer " be patient "
i rather kept it with me instead.

slowly i find my self lost.

and if you dont want to try at all,
please dont give me hope when theres none at all.

even though giving up seems to be the easiest words,
but the truth is that,
it is the most hardest part out of all.

dont change yourself, go change you company.

if love doesnt reply,
just be happy and forget your pain.
cause its okay, one day you will get happiness.
if its not now the future will do.
" patient "

if you know how to deal with patient,
then you'd know how to deal with a real drama.

you will be ready when the time has come.

i know how the feeling of beingf alone.
i know how the feeling of being hurt.

being hurt is common to me.

i'll get used with hurting world starting from today.

why do you have to make me fall,
if at the end you will end up dumping me?

its rather to be alone,
than to be with a bad company.

people care for you.
people wants to be with you.
people wants to have your heart,
but you never give back.
cause youre just too afraid to get involving in love again.

i wish you can tell me whats with your life,
so i can be a good listener and less your burden.

i wish i can be there with you,
fills the emptiness along with laughter and smiles.
so you wont feel the pain alone.

if youre afraid,
i can be there accompany you.
i will make you fall to sleep,
as long as you can feel better.

if im not here anymore,
i will kept the lights on,
and my shadows will always be there with you.

its funny how life never turns out the way you think it will.

although youre my dreams,
but you cant never be my reality.

i had a dream that i cant ever be able to fulfill forever.

if we meet tomorro,
will there be spaces for me in your heart?
if we meet tomorro,
will there be a time for me to love you,
so i can kept this heart for you forever?


and i realized it was only just a dream.

i always missed you,
and im hoping that youres feeling the same way too.

sorry if im not good enough

someday i always think what im going to be, with my life i have now were just almost parrallel to darkness rather than brightness. Nevertheless at some point, i dont get used with these. Like i dont have strenght to continue this damn complicated life. i dont have guts to get away from being stuck. i never know that all this time being i've been living with this pain for almost decades. Thought that i've run so far, but the fact is that i still living with pains and dealing with it everydays and every seconds.
I dont use easy tracks to forget my pain. Flirting around, play others heart just to make me feel better, thats just not me. i dont into flirting with someone and just think of them as a person that i can use or like as an excuse for me to replace my pains. It took years to recover after deep broken hearted actually. maybe im just a bad company for my partner, thats why i was just an easily type to play with, i thought last night? but well, i dont mind. To me its doesnt matter if they wanted to cheat on me. God knows best, i'll be reply for good oneday. but from out of all, all i want from them is just dont hurt me so much until i cant barely hold. This is still not hurtful. really if you still want to flirt, cheat or whatever you can call that is, i still can hold it. its okay, i'll get used with it. i'll be patient.. i'll be good.. perhaps im just not like what you expect, its okay i can understand that. :)
i thought to myself, sometimes im afraid to fall, afraid to get stuck with love life again, afraid to get invovled with love again, afraid of what will my life be next. However i dont know how come im not afraid to get hurt and broken. Instead, im more afraid if i hurt my partner's feelings. im afraid if i'd made her hurt. im afraid if im was the one who caused her deep scars inside her again. im afraid if she refuses to believe in everything again. im afraid if i accidently break her heart. im just afraid if that happens. i dont want to hurt her, dont even want to break her hurt. cause she already suffer alot. Im so sorry if i have hurt you before and now. Do i ever hurt you? if i did, please forgive me. maybe i've missed up. im sorry if im not like what you want.. im sorry if im not like in your dreams.. im sorry if i cant make you happy much.. and im just truly sorry if im not good enough for you to have.