i am not pretending

Goshh.. people. its been nearly a month. Ohh sighh.. how long am i going to heal this pain? months? or years perhaps? Ohh.. what's up with this life. Is that really funny to see me upside-down just beacause of love? am i nuts or something. How frustrasting. I want to wake up from this nightmare along. please let me woke-up soon, i really cant stand this. I thought i'd have lots of friends with me to lean on, even if i didn't tell the reasons but at least their appearanced already make me feel relieved as if one burden were already forgetted. Emm.. i know this friend whom always encouraged me to stand up again and make me forget about my old. which was surprising to me. well, i really adored this friend so much. Thank you for making me forget about my old even though it's just for a while. because now that you arent here, loneliness always conquered me. so yeaah.. i felt, hmm. i dont know.. i should have know that hapiness doesnt belonged to me at the first place. so yeaah.. i will smile guys, and laughed like i used to. dont you have to feel bad or sorry to me. i can handle them myself. i am way too strong enough to bare. im not a kid anymore so yeaah.. when youre down i will make you up and be there for you if you need me. i will keep your tears dry and make you forget about those things even if you can't. i'd at least try to make you smile again. i will make you feel like nothing's happened. i will make you guys happy because i know i will smile whenever i see you guys smile.. my pain? haha. well, by smiling i can already forget those things. even if its just a fake. dont mind about the fake, its just for awhile. oneday you'll see the real one. anyway i lied for telling you that i couldn't bare it alone earlier.. i lied to you that i needed friends to lean on. the truth is i dont need a friend. because i just dont need. dont make youreself get busy if it's just because of me. haha. its so useless. haha. okay. i think thats for now. I will share again with you next time. :) hei remember this, i can handle it myself. so dont worry me. just take care of your self and loads of smile..