Happy New Year 2011

Its already at the end of the year of 2010. waahh.. its like i felt just woken-up from a long sleep and next, when i woke up its already new year. well, i just want to say.. Thank you for spending you time with me people. The joy and bliss that we had together will i remembered and made it as my 2010 diary. Also i would like to apologize if i ever hurt you either purposely or just accidently. I really didnt mean it and if you does felt that i have done something really bad until you cant forgive me, Emm.. i'm just gonna prayed that one-day youre gonna forgives me.. To my families, i know my stubborness and unappropiate behaviors might made you angry. im sorry? i know i always dissapoint you guys.. HEE. To my friends, i knew i really made you guys sick or whatever you can say, i just wanna say im sorry if i do. Not to forget, to my Huby apes, i also want to apologize if i always make you sad or worry. To others a.k.a strangers you too, sorry aite? By then, in this upcoming new year 2011. im hoping that im gonna be a better person for you,Less giving you dissapointment, making you proud and etc. Espiacially to my parents.. I hope that im gonna be sucess and will go through each day patiently with hapiness and also sadness etc. Not to forget, i also like to greet you " Happy New year peoples " be happy always. :)

the story begins with

im just a easy person who always got prank by others. sometimes im so damn annoying enough to make people can easily hate me right away. sometimes my bad-temper will make the person will always remembered, sometimes im such a big mouth with non-stop nonsense conversation, sometimes i can also be a crybaby which i always hide behind others and wont ever want to show ( cause i looked ugly when i cried ) and sometimes im so quiet and people will find it strange.. so funny that im such a chessy person with variety attitudes. :)

i never felt being in love before, i mean the very true feelings of love. i used to not believe the words " love " before. all i know is that, love always filled with empty promises and lies. for me, eventhough im in relationship but i never give full-trust to them. yes, i do love them but i dont know either i really in love with them or im just love them? love always make me feel confuse and pain. its funny when, tears fall upon my cheeks whenever they say good bye to me. i dont really into them but why should it fall? i never say good bye. its heartbreaking much. haha. but all that were just during the old times. and this is the real one, the story begins with :

i never know i'd found a ordinary guy. To be more in details i never thought i deserved sucha kind person like that. i know him since chilhood time, but we're not partically close during that time. cause you know, still didnthave guts in trusting love and plus i got no intrest with him. as the time pass. i become more mature *haa and grown up. to shorten the story and come to the intersting part, well. when i turned 16, i get close with him. my intentions were just trying to help him out from stucking with his old pain stuffs. and as we go closer and closer. i didnt realized its been three months we almost contact with each other and never missed up being on the phone until late night. its funny though. and we even says we miss each other sometimes. i still remembered, during early desember. i was fool to contact other guy when i was with him. i dont know whats on my mind that time. and during that time, when he caught me with the other guy. i really stunned. and gosh. he didnt even want to show his face to me. i think he really felt pissed off. you know, it took me three days to ask for apologized. and soon after that, i realized that i love him? i dont know why i am so eager to say this. but i remembered that's what i felt that time. i dont know what is it, but it just happened. but, did you know i hide my feelings from him? and guess why? because all my friends didnt like me to be close with him, including my sister. it really painful, when we tried to find love but people turned us down. all i can do were just sit quietly and let it be. as long as others felt good, i'd feel good too. :)days by days pass by. as we continued messaging, miss-calling and so whatever, 20thDesember2009. he asked me to be his girlfriend.. haha.. so funny that i'd just simply say yes with excitement. :) everything turns pink that time. lol. and everythings just goes right and wonderful. However, at the middle of january hmm, things turned out of the blue. he never contact me that much like the old times. and everything just changed so ugly. hmm. he break me up on the 30thJanuary due to other girls. haha. well, i couldnt do anything, just to sit quietly again? and just let it be. although it hurting me so much. i dont why i cant forget him. maybe i never felt that feelings before, he showed me what's love really is, and make me learn that love wasnt just full with empty promises. maybe thats why i cant get rid of him.. i didnt mad or shout or slap or hate or say goodbye to him. i just say that im sorry and please be happy. aha. eventhough my heart really sick that time, i just end up by saying those words. i dont know why.. :) you know, what hurt the most? it is when i want to go to somewhere, my mind always picture the memories between us. i really get tired when i have to bare that alone.. pains, and misery really mixed up.. maybe you see me there, but my heart? its lost.. as it took for about more than six months to get my self back, he came back and ask me to be with him. although i love him, but i refused and says no. lalalala' the last part is, October. you know i told him by writting my 99 feelings inside a hidden present, i made 99 piece of little stars to him. i dont know he will find out soon as he receives the gift or later. but i know that somehow, he'll find it out. he started to message me back after my examintaion end but he never mentioned about it. i thought to myself that he still dont have idea about that. and THATS when my heart felt confused again. as if i just got hitted by a gong or smething saying to me " are you really sure you want to be with him ? " then i was like, ohh yeah. what if he lie again what if he cheat again? and i was like lost and stuck. but i slowly convinced to myself that maybe this is the right time to be back with him. maybe if i just give him another chance. maybe if i just give him my trust. or just maye..it was 12thNovember2010 i accepted his love again. at first? i just gave him thirty-percent trust, but did you know slowly, i put my trust on him again.and i found his not the same, and he was like? more mature. yeaah, the love between me were growing stronger and expand. what i love about him is that, he love me in different ways.. i dont know how to explain. but for me, his way were just so different. His a type of guy who love to pretend his okay while he was not actually.. and he also pretend his cool or something.. lol.. :) he was always gentle to me and he talked less sweet me. HAHA. honestly, i dont know why i fall for him. theres tonnes of guys out there but i choose to be with him instead. love? really work in mysterious way. emm.. as for it, heres some messages for him too..

dear love,
im hoping that your gonna be the one who i can hang on, the one who i can lean on, the one i can share my loneliness, and the one who i can love. i know im not the type of girl you want, im not sweet nor not funny. but i'd give my best to be the one who you will always remembered.. :)i may sometimes a burden to you and also irritating but i hope you wont get bored by me. i hope your gonna always love me as i do. your gonna missed me like i always did and your gonna always think of me wherever you are. you know? whenever i am alone, i used to think about you alot. remembering the times when we had our past sweet conversation together, the time when we always to hang-out late, thinking of what your doing and so damn alot more. your just something that i cannot get rid off. your just the one who i want to always thought of.. and the person is you, Khairul Hafizul the one who i will always remembered in what ever ways it is. thank you for aking me fall in love with you. thank you also for always being beside. khairul will you love me more than i do?

love by me, mikaa..

my old poem.

im trying to forgive him from the lie tha this heart tells,
Even though it says that he love me but all i see is pain and misery.

my heart ache when you walked away from me,
im all alone, its hurt and very deep painful.
The day goes by,
and i feel that you could make me happy
The day goes by,
and i feel that your love is at my heart.

I tell my self that he is the one who said those words before.
Thought it hurts too much, and i cant lie that i hated his so much.
how could happened to me?

As my life goes on,
i cant feel that im too strong and patient to face.
These things, i know its a faith that we cant never changed.

I never thought that i'll be alone
and i didnt hope you will gone this long.
I dont know how to start and what to say,
and now you leave me.

i dont know what should i do.
i only think of you and its breaking my heart down.
im trying to put it together but im feeling apart.
and my feeling inside, i really missed you.

sometimes i wanna called you,
but i know you wont be there.
somedays i feel broken inside but i wont admit.
and sometimes i wanna hide cus its you, i miss.

if just have one chance i would tell you that ive been missing you alots.
but since you been away,
its hard for me to try and turn back times.
all things changed and no one knows.

i never noticed you've been gone this long.
when i see there is alot of people,
why do i can only see you.

everyday i force to fake a smile, a laugh.
and i thought i seem to forget my pains.
but everytime i walked by, never i missed to think about you.

i just wished one thing.
please do happy and never let me cry anymore.
for me you are like a shinny little star that people think its small and useless.
but for me, i see you through my heart,
i can see how precious and you are very special to me.

thanks for the time we've spent together.
and thanks for putting me once in your heart.

holiday desember

here's some un-edited pictures that were taken by me my self during holiday in desember.. it'd been more gorgeous if i can edit the pictures before uploading it. but since the editor drives arent here so i just upload the original pictures view. i hope you enjoy. and do comment if you got things to share.. and anyway, im so still gonna work hard for snapping beautiful scene. still long journey meh~ haha. :)

anyway, its been decades didnt' update this blog.. well, i've been busy with life recently. examintaion on progress, dancing perfomance being requested, netball tournament were being invited and baby sitting were on board ( this one? very challenging ni ).. haha. i know stressing isnt? yeaah. im so having a hard time too here.. but chillax, my life wont be awesome if i just sit, eat and watched tv like all the time? haha.. although i havent have a full-resting mind eversince my last examination but im enjoying it though. :D its great when we dont have free-schedules in our calender or diary note so whatever.. haha.. imma enjoy being in busy life currently..dont know why. though its tiring sometimes, cus i didnt have full-body-rest. but yeaah.. majaaal* :p anyway, if you guys want to have meeting with me, just contact me by my email, facebook or anything that can connect with me. LOL. sounds like a cable wire saja.. so i think ani saja. farewell. <3